If only I knew then what I know now.
Let’s be honest. Dawn’s New Day does not have a huge following. Most of the world had no idea that I stepped away from blogging for 11 months. Well, actually, it wasn’t truly an absence because my blog simply shifted to another platform that was shared with my husband, Neil. Turns out, he’s quite a writer himself!
I’m going to pause here while you take a moment and read my last two posts. They are both very short. Even if you have been following along the past year’s journey, please read both posts beginning with the November 15, 2021 post, followed by the January 1, 2022 post. (I’ve archived everything before Nov. 15, 2021 as I prepared to launch this updated site.)
Gipper and I will wait . . .
What Happened Next
Everyone fears the word ‘cancer’ because it is such a beast. It comes without warning, ravaging the body and devastating lives.
The future plans that I had shared openly here were dashed in an instant.
In the span of nearly 11 months between my New Year’s Day post and today, my husband journeyed to hell and back. There is no other way to describe it . During those endless months of chemotherapy, Neil had to continually remind himself that the goal was to kill the cancer, not the patient. He will tell you that there were days though when death seemed to be winning.
Overnight I became my husband’s nurse and full-time caregiver. I quickly learned that they are one in the same. With little to no training (and a scarce amount of sleep), my new life revolved around checking for fevers, dispensing medications, emptying sick bins and flushing catheters. I was also tasked with making transportation and housing arrangements for out-of-state cancer treatments.
Now that I have walked this lonely journey, I have the utmost respect for anyone who has stepped into this role of caregiver. It was not by choice, but there was no one else I would have entrusted Neil’s care. It was a grueling test of our wedding vow, “in sickness and in health”, a promise spoken 40 years ago.
God’s Steadfast Love
Hindsight is not only 20-20, but for us it is a literal flip from life before and after. Cancer did not win. Today we are both able to look back and say that we witnessed the hand of God at every turn. The Lord did not cause Neil’s suffering, but He clearly knew how to shelter us throughout the storm. Our faith was challenged, but we both learned not to question God’s timing or His plan. We will never forget God’s steadfast love and constant care, and will share it with others at every opportunity.
Thankfully, we are now on the other side and brighter days are ahead.
There is much more to the story. To read more about Neil’s cancer journey, visit our CNS Lymphoma page.
