Four Seasons of Winter

“This year’s felt like four seasons of winter . . . “

I was out running errands when I heard those song lyrics on the radio. The temperature outside was typical for mid-March in the Shenandoah Valley, upper 30’s along with 40 mph wind gusts. The next day was expected to be in the mid 60’s. Even though we’ve come to expect this roller-coaster weather, we always look forward to flipping the calendar to April. There are times though when it certainly feels like four seasons of winter!

But this post is not about the weather. In three days we will reach the one year milestone marking the beginning of Neil’s cancer journey.  Looking back at my calendar and recalling all that has transpired over the past 12 months, I marvel at how far we have come. It is truly by the grace of God that my husband not only survived the grueling chemotherapy and stem cell transplant, but is in remission.

Spring Thaw

Neil’s four seasons of winter are over, along with the lingering side effects of cancer treatment. Always cold, he shivered his way through January and February, and is ready to shed the extra layers of clothing and head out into the warm sunshine. Hickory Grove’s garden beds are waiting, and the chicken coop is ready for its first residents. It’s time to embrace life once again.

This journey has taught us both what is important in life, and we are different people than we were on March 25, 2022. On Saturday we will give gratitude and quietly celebrate our survival together through four endless seasons of winter. Neil’s only request is to enjoy two of his favorite pastimes — wandering through antique shops and spending time with family. I will gladly tag along!

Hindsight: A Spiritual Journey

If only I knew then what I know now.

Let’s be honest. Dawn’s New Day does not have a huge following. Most of the world had no idea that I stepped away from blogging for 11 months. Well, actually, it wasn’t truly an absence because my blog simply shifted to another platform that was shared with my husband, Neil. Turns out, he’s quite a writer himself!

I’m going to pause here while you take a moment and read my last two posts. They are both very short. Even if you have been following along the past year’s journey, please read both posts beginning with the November 15, 2021 post, followed by the January 1, 2022 post. (I’ve archived everything before Nov. 15, 2021 as I prepared to launch this updated site.)

Gipper and I will wait . . .

What Happened Next

Everyone fears the word ‘cancer’ because it is such a beast. It comes without warning, ravaging the body and devastating lives.

The future plans that I had shared openly here were dashed in an instant.

In the span of nearly 11 months between my New Year’s Day post and today, my husband journeyed to hell and back. There is no other way to describe it . During those endless months of chemotherapy, Neil had to continually remind himself that the goal was to kill the cancer, not the patient. He will tell you that there were days though when death seemed to be winning.

Overnight I became my husband’s nurse and full-time caregiver. I quickly learned that they are one in the same. With little to no training (and a scarce amount of sleep), my new life revolved around checking for fevers, dispensing medications, emptying sick bins and flushing catheters. I was also tasked with making transportation and housing arrangements for out-of-state cancer treatments.

Now that I have walked this lonely journey, I have the utmost respect for anyone who has stepped into this role of caregiver. It was not by choice, but there was no one else I would have entrusted Neil’s care. It was a grueling test of our wedding vow, “in sickness and in health”, a promise spoken 40 years ago.

God’s Steadfast Love

Hindsight is not only 20-20, but for us it is a literal flip from life before and after. Cancer did not win. Today we are both able to look back and say that we witnessed the hand of God at every turn. The Lord did not cause Neil’s suffering, but He clearly knew how to shelter us throughout the storm. Our faith was challenged, but we both learned not to question God’s timing or His plan. We will never forget God’s steadfast love and constant care, and will share it with others at every opportunity.

Thankfully, we are now on the other side and brighter days are ahead.

There is much more to the story. To read more about Neil’s cancer journey, visit our CNS Lymphoma page.