The Gift of Friendship

Random Reminders

We’ve all lost someone we love. Family. Friends. Pets. And along with each loss there will always be random reminders. Songs, sayings, or objects pop up now and then to call attention to their absence.

For me, today’s random reminder was a Chiquita Banana sticker.

Just before Christmas I lost a dear friend. He was a senior member of our church, and someone I admired for his ability to always make me smile.

Calvin came by the church every week to help prepare the sanctuary for Sunday worship. He always stopped by my office for a chat and a snack, and now I am missing my friend.

After Calvin passed away, I learned that at one time he collected Chiquita Banana stickers. He stuck them on the side of a cabinet door in his kitchen — dozens of them! It was a quirky memory that made me laugh. Now I will have a yet another reminder of that special friendship whenever I peel a banana.

Friends are Gifts from God

When I was asked to speak at Calvin’s memorial service, that was a first for me. Although it was an emotional day, I managed to share my thoughts and hold my emotions in check. I imagined Calvin sitting in the congregation, and that did the trick. He was an amazing storyteller, and I tried to recall some of his finest moments. This was my closing paragraph:

I am always amazed by the wonderful people that the Lord continues to place in my path here at this little church, and I am so grateful that Calvin was one of them. His friendship has been one of God’s many blessings in my life and I will treasure it always.

In addition to the friends I have made through my church, my life has been enriched by the friendships I have made from childhood until present day. Yes, I’ve lost touch with some of them, but I still carry their memories and stories in my heart. They are part of who I am. There are other friends who have become as close to me as my own family members. My life would feel incomplete without them.

And I have room for many more.

In Loving Memory
Calvin James McGehee, Jr.

August 3, 1936 — December 22, 2018

Christmas Memories

I found myself wandering the toy aisles while Christmas shopping last week. I was searching for something called a Tangle Jr. It’s a colorful little twisty plastic chain, perfect for someone who is fidgety and can’t keep their hands still. I finally found them and tossed two into my cart.

I sighed and felt this strange emptiness inside as I watched the other shoppers filling their carts. Unlike the young parents around me, I was there on a very unique mission. I wasn’t Christmas shopping for a child . . . I was shopping for my mother.

Mom and me, Christmas 2017

My brother and I have reached an odd stage in life which many grown children will eventually face. Our mom, now in a nursing home, is slowly losing her memory. She loves having visitors though, and still recognizes my brother. He is an absolute angel! He is retired and is able to visit her at least three days a week, something I am unable to do. He also picks her up and brings her to us for occasional weekend family dinners and holiday gatherings. We will be blessed to have her with us on Christmas Day.

Memories become even more precious when your loved one has Alzheimer’s Disease or dementia. We never know if our next holiday will be our last one with Mom, so we aim to make lots of memories in the moment. These are the days when we treasure her presence, even if she won’t recall the visit after the long drive back to the nursing home.

I remember a Christmas morning about three years ago. Mom was experiencing moderate memory lapses, but still recognized all of us and was able to spend the night. We shared a wonderful Christmas Eve together at church and then at home, and I wanted to make the morning special too.

I awoke before the rest of the family and turned on all the Christmas lights and the gas fireplace. I put on some festive music and heated up some breakfast pastries. Every now and then I tiptoed upstairs and peeked into the guest room. I wanted Mom to see me before she panicked in an unfamiliar place. When she woke up, I helped her into her robe and slippers and led her downstairs. Her childlike delight and reaction when seeing the beautiful Christmas tree and all the presents has filled my heart to this day.

Mom and I sat together while the rest of the family slept in. We enjoyed our coffee and cinnamon rolls in the family room, and watched The Little Drummer Boy on our old VHS player. I was hoping Mom would love that cartoon, and she did. I am sure she watched it a dozen times with me when I was a kid, but that morning it was brand new for her.

Throughout those quiet hours together, she would suddenly look around the room and marvel at the pretty lights and decorations as though noticing them for the first time. She kept saying, “This is so beautiful!” and asking, “Who did all this?” Her reaction alone was memorable for me — so innocent and full of wonder — just like the Christmas mornings I remember growing up.

“When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go now to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us.” So they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the child lying in the manger. When they saw this, they made known what had been told them about this child; and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:15-19 

Perhaps those memories provide a little glimpse of what heaven will be like for us, with every moment bright, and shining, and full of wonder and amazement. How awesome it will be! 

May your Christmas morning be just like the first Christmas — full of joy, wonder, and precious memories to last a lifetime and beyond.